I was like that before

I don't even know how to explain to myself that I'm hurting so much, that my heart seems to be destroyed because of pain.
--Yeah, i was like that 2 months ago maybe? This is a part of my letter to someone. Maybe I've loved that person before more than I could love myself, I even forgot my importance, it's a very tragic story, but while I'm thinking of it right now, it seems like it was just something that I've experienced for me to be able to become a stronger person. Now I'm happier, I can't even remember some parts of that pace in my life. I've realized lots of things. I know that I should love myself first before trying to love other people, I know that I should keep the faith in this life, and I should be thankful with the things that I have now. Things come and go but the most important thing is the lesson that you got from that scenario of your life's story.

Mga bagay

"Minsan may mga bagay na kailangan munang masira para malaman mo kung dapat mo pa itong ayusin o hayaan na lamang na nasa ganung sitwasyon."

--May mga bagay sa buhay ng tao na akala niya ay tama pa, ngunit kung susumahin halos lahat dito ay kamalian. Mali ang panimula kung kaya't hindi nakaabot sa katapusan o kaya'y hindi naman talaga nagsimula, o kaya'y ang tanging hangad mo ay kaligayahan ngunit kalungkutan ang iyong nakamit. 'yan marahil ang mga dahilan kung bakit may mga nasisirang bagay.

Finite journey

I am willing to wake up 2:30 in the morning, prepare a surprise for you at Legarda station and greet you a happy birthday. I was not afraid being a second best or even the last person that you'll love just to make you happy, that's how pathetic I am for you.

But I guess everything has an ending. It is not about loving you less, but loving myself a little bit more. You'll always be a part of my existence, but prepare your own safe zone today 'cause I will never be there again to bear all the pain just for you. It's been hell when I started loving you but all this time I thought of it as a heaven. I've been hurting myself for a long time, but like a circle it will proceed to its next cycle.

I was asking WHY?

May mga bagay talaga sa mundo na hindi perfect e. The way your life goes, the way the love that you dream falls, and the way you wanted things to be okay yet you can't find ways on how to fix it. Totoo pala na may mga bagay na ang hirap gawin, ang hirap kunin, at ang hirap mangyari. This day you will plan, and the next day you will fail. And kahit sabihin nila na kaya naman, mahirap talaga. Maybe there are really these things that are not meant to happened. Maybe there are things that we have to encounter for us to be able to prepare for the establishment of the betterment of our character. Ang hirap nung maiipit ka sa isang feeling, pero mas mahirap naman kung hahayaan mo ang sarili mo na ma-stuck dun.

As I always say my life is not perfect, I have a lots of angst in this world, I usually rant about a lot of things, at madalas madrama. But now I have to love this life for me to be able to improve it. Hindi din yung I am dependent with someone for me to be happy. Kung tutuusin madali lang din naman mabuhay, I just need to carry my self-worth inside of me. Yung bang I am not hoping that one day someone would come and complete me. I myself can be happy with everything that I have, I myself can be contented. At kung may mangyari man sa buhay ko, I'm assured that I'm okay no matter what.

Wala lang, I just want to write these things, minsan lang ako dalawin ng ganitong feeling e. And I hope that I could practice this feeling everyday. Kahit madami pang mangyari sakin. :))

Feel free to feel pain, but don't be stuck with it. Move forward, this life is beautiful if you will learn how to love it. :)

And I was DREAMING for you :)

Yeah, for you, to someone that I am waiting for. For YOU who could build an empire for me, or someone who could give up an empire for me. :) LOL, seems like happy endings are really far from reality nowadays. ;) MAHIRAP MAHANAP YUN, NAKAKAPAGOD. :)

Dati kasi, yeah right, when I was in high school, I used to dream about love. Actually I really do love the fact that love exist. I have a different point of view about INSPIRATION. Akala ko nun ang "inspiration" ay puro happiness. But this word creates a big impact in my personality. Something that makes me, and after bawiin yung word na yun, I find it hard to return to my REAL-OLD-SELF. I thought that being inspired means being loved by a person, that no matter what YOU WOULD BE TOGETHER. But I guess being inspired will let you feel that this world is not perfect. Ngayon iniisip ko na ang inspirasyon pala may hangganan, being inspired is not just about being happy, HINDI ISANG MALAKING TV SERIES ANG BUHAY. :)

At kung mahahambing pala ito sa isang drama hindi ito puno ng happy ending, may mga ending kasi na kumplikado, may mga ending din na malungkot lang, well, mahirap. Dahil tayo ang pumipili ng mga papasok sa buhay natin, minsan nga nahihirapan na tayong alisin kahit masakit na para satin ang mga nangyayari. Kasi mas nangingibabaw ang dependency natin sa mga ito, na iniisip natin if we can survive without these people. It takes a brave heart for us to be able to break the shackles that we have within us. Matagal bago natin ma-realize that it's not working anymore, plus the fact na mahirap maka-recover after letting that person go.

Well, 2 years, tama na yun para maka move on. Bitter-sweet journey, ikaw man ang maghintay sa wala. Bata pa kasi, naniwala kagad. :D But I am glad that I've experience that scenario in this life. :)) Hindi man ako nakabalik sa dating ako, masaya ko kasi ginusto ko lahat ng nangyari sa buhay ko. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung nung high school ako ay love na yun. How will you know if you are in love? Masaya ba yun? :) >

I really loved someone. I really do! Onga! Minsan nasabi ko din naman na OO FOREVER. Kahit naman korni yun e, totoo na dadaan tayo dun. :) I'm so random tonight, kanina iba yung kinekwento ko, ngayon eto na naman. Lahat naman babagsak dito e.

Okay, eto din yun. I am waiting, dreaming, and praying for the right love. Right in a way that it can prove to me that I also deserve someone for me to be happy. Totoo, kaya nga yun, sana. I am not that good with this one, feeling ko ang daming nagbabago sa mundo natin ngayon. Panu yun? pano uusbong ang love.

Sounds weird right? How can I find that someone? Or how will I wait for it? When will be the right time? Am I really deserving to be loved? Or how will I know if I am capable of loving someone after everything that happened! Bago ko mahanap yun, mafulfill ko na kaya ang moving on stage ko sa isang tao na pinakawalan ako. I don't know, ang daming surprises ng mundo na 'to. Okay so much drama, I should end this thing!

The title actually is for someone. Someone that I don't really know who. After many years, if I could find this someone, I want to compare if I would feel the same after finding him. :) IKR! Too much of my daydream.

Love is an important word. It contains a lot of responsibilities, a lot of pains, a lot of stories, and also a lot of happiness. :)

I am not currently addicted. :))

I am not addicted with this song, it's just that Paramore creates this song that really catches the hearts of lots of listeners. It explains every bit of what the listeners want to say. Maybe I'm one of them. :))

A lot of people doesn't even know how to believe, how to reassemble everything, how to let the feeling that they're having grow, without the fear that they might be in pain because they let themselves feel LOVE. Well, for me, the song doesn't mean that when the time comes that you will have that "only exception" you will encounter a perfect world. Thus, it will be a realization that though this world is imperfect there's always a good scenario in this life. That one day you will find someone that is not perfect yet will always provide you a smile, would love every bit of you, will hurt you but never try to leave you.

Thinking of these scenarios, I think love would always be worth it. I WILL PATIENTLY WAIT for the time that I could encounter this "only exception."

Life is beautiful. Maybe the song wants us to realize what this world could bring for us. Sometimes we may feel the emptiness but it doesn't mean that you will never be happy.

So drop the frowns, and let yourself enjoy the imperfections of this world. :))

My life is not perfect, I am currently encountering a lot of bumps in my world, but I am wishing for that day when I can say that there's someone who would also worth the risk. And that someone who could also prove to me that I myself can also be loved. :))

It's not because I am not whole without the love of someone, but I just want to feel how is it to think that everything's worth the pain, that every bit of the experience is considered

as real happiness.