A little something

My mother asks me what do I want to eat or what will she buy for me in the grocery, then I told her that I want ice cream!

Yes it's my comfort food; it's just that I am wondering why I am posting this one. It's just that when you are a bit stress you want to eat something that will make your mood a little good or somehow great? Before whenever I am stress I will just drink a carbonated drink then my stomachache will attack but then I will be fine after. It's really a weird habit of mine to drink something which I am prohibited to drink.

Well that's the old me, I am fond of hurting myself because I can't express anything. Though it seems like I am good at it, no I am not. But now finally, little by little I can be happy, maybe I am choosing happiness than being lonely because of petty reasons, I know that I am love by people.

I have this concept called standing therapy, i don't know if a Psychologist invented or discovered this technique, but all you need to do is stand in an elevated area and look up there, look at the sky, empty your mind and just focus to what you are looking at. Just stare and you'll appreciate it. Okay that sounds ridiculously funny or whatever it is but I think it is helpful. It allows you to relax and empty your mind somehow.

I am happy right now, it's true that you can't have everything all at the same time but you should look at the things which make your life meaningful.

A reflection before this year ends. Yey!

Let me hold you

"I am still not ready to let you go."

She wants to say this to you, she wants to beg for you not to leave, she wants to say this, believe me she wants. But who is she to do this? Who is she to talk to you like that? Unrequited love, that's all that she felt for the past few years. She has been contented with your smile, with you being okay, and with you holding to things that you want. Now will be the last time, and still she is not saying anything, she will never say anything, for nothing will really happen even if she wants to say it.

Will you be there for her? Will you say to her that you can't also let her go? Or will you just walkaway because that is your original plan?

She loves you though it becomes more painful everyday, she will always say that she can bear it not because of that fact that she is brave but she really wants to be with you and that's enough for her to bear everything.

Maybe she's crazy, maybe she should stop waiting, maybe you will never come to her, and maybe she should let you go...

Hindi Sinusukat

Hindi alam ng maraming tao na sensitibo ako, na madalas ay dinaramdam ko ang mga simpleng bagay na nakikita o kaya ay nararamdaman ko.

Pero kahit ganoon, nakakatuwang isipin na maraming tao pa rin ang nagsasabi na napapasaya ko sila, na sa mga simpleng bagay na ginagawa ko ay napapatawa ko sila. Yung lagi nilang sinasabi na "you're great", sa totoo lang noong una hindi ako masanay sanay sa ganong salita. Greatness? Ano nga ba ako? Sino ako upang magtaglay ng ganoong katangian? Hindi ako super hero, hindi ako perpekto, natatakot akong magkamali, natatakot sumugal, marami akong pangarap na hanggang ngayon ay nanatili pa lamang na pangarap, ngunit sa kabila noon at ng aking mga kahinaan may mga taong nakakakita at nagsasabi ng salitang "You're great", "Napapasaya mo ako", "magaling ka" at kung minsan pa nga ay "maganda ka".

Nakakatuwang isipin na ang inaakala ko na dati ay kulang na pagmamahal ay naguumapaw pala.Hindi naman pala kulang, di lang talaga ako minsan marunong tumanggap.

Hindi na ako matatakot magkamali, sabi nga sa dula na napanuod namin kahapon, "Mabigo ka muna bago sumuko Erwin." (William, Ron Capindig) Hindi muna ngayon ang pagsuko, hindi muna ngayon. Marami pang panahon para itama ang mga pagkakamali.

O blogspot ko 'to, tagalog, di ka kaya naliligaw kaya binabasa mo 'to?

Magic, she fell.

She’s hearing your voice everyday, it’s not the most ideal voice for everyone but it’s the voice that she wants to hear in her lifetime.

She’s seeing your smile everyday and she would love to see it closer when that right moment comes.

She loves looking at your lips and she wants to feel those kisses from you everyday of her life when that time comes.

She loves how you make her feel, she loves your effect in her life; you’re like a heroine that she can’t resist.

Yes YOU, you who’s a part of those few people who have lighten her life, a part of those people who draw a smile in her face, a part of those people who make her believe that whatever her dreams are she can achieve them and a part of her routine everyday, a routine that puts those smiles on her face.

She blooms because of you, and she would like to say thank you for that. Thank you for making her feel good about herself, its been so long ever since she felt that feeling, thank you for bringing back that power to her. You’re one of those people who let her accept her flaws, who let her love herself once more, who let her try new things and rediscover that so-called beauty that she thought was never in her, though she's imperfect and maybe not the most-ideal-girl she feels like she can improve no matter what.

Someday is that magic word, someday everything will unfold, someday you’ll both know what would happen, someday you will let time judge it, and until that someday she’ll keep the happiness that she’s feeling no matter what.

You’re not the only person who makes her day or who makes her world beautiful but you play a big part on that beauty. You brought those colors, those butterflies, those fairytale in her life, those things that she thought are impossible to happen.

Though she doesn't know how, when, and where that exact moment came when she finally conclude that she loves you, she knows that she's grateful because she's in love with you.

She believes in you, she believes in the power of time, and don’t worry she’ll really wait.

At the end of each day she knows that she's one day closer to you, at the end of each day she always smile because she knows that you're worth it.

She's yours ever since that first day that she saw your smile. She's always thankful because she made a second look and finally saw that beautiful thing that she has been looking for.

The reason behind the word hate

“Never be too attach to a person. Never trust people because they will end up hurting you.” Those thoughts always come to my mind whenever I’m hearing your name. The agony that you created in my life, those hanging questions remained unanswered because you were not brave enough to face me, and my heart that is still suffering in pain because you left me here waiting and alone.

I laugh about it but the truth is it is still aching. Your visage is still with me every day, your scent is still that scent that I smell every day, and your words are still part of the reality that I don’t want to see, feel and hear. I haven’t been so vocal about it but the truth is my heart is still aching, the cracks in my fragile heart doesn’t seem to heal anymore, I thought that it was okay not until I realize that all that I've experienced with you were just part of your tactics because you needed me.

I've loved you, but I think it was never worth it. I do not deserve this pain that I am feeling right now, I am never deserving for this abandonment after all the things that I’ve done for you. You left me hanging and that’s the most painful part. You make me believe that fairytales do exist, that I just need to believe that something might happen and it will definitely happen, the fact that you made me believe broke my heart. You are good in creating stories which are not real in the first place. You left me, miserably crying over you while you are somewhere painting the town red.

I hate you. I hate you for making me believe that I can trust the world. I hate myself for trusting you that way. Now that you’re not already in my world I don’t know how to pick all the pieces of my shattered heart. I don’t exactly know where to start. What will I do? How can I bring back that faith that I lost when you abandon me? How? Why did I trust someone like you?

You’re just a stranger, a passerby, not until you broke my heart. Thank you for breaking it, now I don’t know where to go, what to do, and how to forget you.

Through thick and thin

She suddenly remembers those times, those times that she was sitting alone, those times that nobody wants to be with her, and those times that she can't even convince herself that she needs to be happy.

She was sitting there, she was with a large crowd, but after an hour she realizes that she was alone. How can she forget those times? If those times simply explains how lonely it is to encounter abandonment. When no one wants to be there and when no one wants to listen to the story of her cruel life.

Cruel as it may seem, but she wishes for someone even just someone to stay with her in a little while. They don't know it, people don't know that she's cursing her heart for feeling that kind of pain, people don't notice it, people are busy getting their own happy ending.

You'll experience it even once in your life too. And you'll ask yourself if there's really that so-called through thick and thin relationship or maybe it that relationship was just a misconception, a lie.

Now it's time to RETHINK

So you’re that individual who’s afraid of accepting all faces of reality. Reality can hurt you as well, it’s far from the perfect-happy-ending-fantasy like story that we often read from fictional books. Reality has that capability to break your expectations, but so what? I mean you have to deal with it or else you’ll end up ruining yourself because instead of facing it you will try to run as fast as you can to go somewhere farther, in that kind of place where you can build your fantasy-like reality, in that kind of place where you can hide all the pain for awhile, but surely it will come back and will hurt you big time (if you will not face it).

Have you ever thought of that idea that maybe if you tried to grow just a little bit? Or maybe thought of that idea that maybe you should stop living for yourself even for once? Or maybe just thinking that maybe other people are also hurt as you are that maybe sometimes it is not wrong to try to understand them as well? Rethink, because sometimes there’s no such thing as a next time. Maybe the things that you tend to leave now will never welcome you again; maybe because of your sudden disappearance you will destroy those things and will never cross your paths again.

Sometimes it’s not waiting that is considered as the most painful part but the fact that you realize that sometimes second chance or next time does NOT really exist.

Once there was a girl and a boy...

So it was so exciting seeing two people risk their hearts and try to fall in love with each other, seeing how inseparable they are, and feeling that kind of security that their love for each other have. It was an ecstatic feeling that when you woke up everyday someone will be there to remind you that life is too beautiful and you should celebrate it.

But as time goes by expectations grow. Sometimes expectations tend to ruin beautiful relationship, it bends the trust of people for each other, and sometimes destroy hearts as well. Every relationship comes to this kind of point and people have to decide whether they will still continue the relationship despite of all the hurt that they can possibly feel or maybe choose the saddest yet the most advisable part, free yourself from the relationship and try to fix your relationship with yourself once more.

Well it'll be nice seeing two people trying to fix their so-called relationship but if the people in the relationship feel the pain so hard inside their hearts it'll be nicer if they'll just end it. If the ecstatic feeling will be gone it'll be nice seeing yourself whole again rather than being in a relationship but feeling so broken and empty everyday of your life because of the pain that you inflicted to each other. It'll be better seeing yourself whole again, seeing yourself smiling because you are you and you're not anyone else because at the end of the day the best relationship that you should maintain is YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF.

To whom it may concern,

So it seems like this blog is for someone before. Well, since I envy people who are using blogspot I also want to try it again. Maybe to see if something has change, if life taught me (finally), and maybe to express something.

Since I have one follower just one follower I don't think I can patiently blog something in here. :))