Project 2012: Love Myself

I usually say to people whenever they are teasing me to boys that: "I don't like boys. I don't like people. I like plants. I love myself. I have the best relationship with myself. Actually, she never leaves me and I am loving it." I am not saying this for them to laugh at me or to give me pity. It's just that maybe for the longest time that I exist in this world I never told myself that I love myself. Yes it may sound as awkward as it is but the truth is I do not usually love myself, I am doing things to impress people, I am doing things for their wellness, I am doing things to cater for their needs until I can't give anything to myself, and I will end up lonely because I am expecting too much from them.

So, last semester I started this project of loving myself, it's not because I hate relationships or I hate people, but I want to make myself feel that love that I usually asks for people to give to me. I am not saying that I'll go on hiatus helping people but I will always make sure that I am one of the people that will be happy everyday because of myself as well. I want to feel like I am worth it of everything that I want to have and for me to feel that way I should always prove to myself everyday how valuable I am, how awesome I've become after everything, and how deserving I am for the things that I am demanding.

I usually think that being a last resort to someone is the worst thing in the world or maybe being number two, I usually hate it because I am having leftovers of people. But I realized that the worst thing is asking for something you cannot give yourself.

• I tend to asks for people's love but I can't give that to myself.
• I usually want people not to leave me but sometimes I am the one pushing them away because the truth is I am afraid of abandonment.
• I usually suffered from self-pity; inflicting pain to myself and thinking that I am just a part of a crowd but I am the one consistently thinking that way.
• I want second chances but I sometimes leave people because sometimes I think that I am left with no choice at all but I know that I have lots of choices.
• I hide my feelings and sometimes deny it because I am afraid of being hurt.

Though I cannot blame myself about everything that I am feeling I am always responsible to my response towards the stimulus that life will give to me. I always have a choice I just have to accept the reality that once I made a choice I should always think of the reality ahead of it.

I should cross the bridge when I get there, that's another thing that I realized, I should never think ahead, instead I should decide and think of things when the cards are already lay in the table.