Still wonderful

I hate it when it usually rains; rainy days reminded me of stupid memories and of you.

I just want you to say sorry to me. Yes, I am responsible for my feelings but sometimes I can't no longer handle this pain that all I can do is blame you for feeling this way. Happiness is always a choice but I hope I could really choose that. If only I could drink a pain-reliever every day to ease the pain, if only I can have selective amnesia, if I could go back to those times, I promise I won't listen to you.

Fuck this feeling; I don't deserve even an inch of this pain.  I don't deserve lies, I don't deserve humiliation, and after all that we've been through I don't deserve this betrayal. I just want to stop crying anymore, I just want you to vanish, but how will that thing happen? I mean, this is not just my world and this is also your world. I also want to runaway, yet I still want to prove to myself that I can still fight this kind of battle.

But I would like to thank you for ruining me. Thank you for proving to me that all that I have considered real all those years were nothing but vague promises. Thank you for this kind of pain, I don't really deserve this, but I know that after some time I will thank you because this will make me a wonderful person. Thank you for all your lies, thank you for your so-called warmth, thank you for your make-believe statements, and thank you for all these sufferings.

Now are you happy? Are you happy seeing me miserable and crying over you? Are you happy seeing me broken? Well, fuck you, let me just clear things out.

To you bastard-asshole-hypocrite-user-unappreciative-liar man, how many are we? I mean, how many did you consume just to make you feel that you are superior and you can have everything? You have this hobby of ruining someone's life and saying to people that you love them even though that's a complete lie, your hobby is making people feel that they are important and you will just left them hanging. You said before that man is not a commodity, yet what are you doing now? WHAT ARE YOU FUCKING DOING NOW? You are ruining me, you've ruined me, why didn't you just stop? Why did you not just stop making me feel like I am just a thing that you can consume and leave after? Why did you make me wait for three fucking years? Why are you not even sorry? Why are you like that?!

People are people, some of them will leave but so what those who are deserving of all your attention will stay. And to those people who are with me in this journey, thank you, thank you for your genuine concern and I will really survive, not just to repay you toward your effort to me but for myself as well. I will never let this situation destroy me. Maybe this is an optimistic thought but I will move on. Yes, I will!