Awesome? Really?

I thought all you have to do is trust people and everything will be fine. Maybe it's not true at all. Maybe you have to examine over and over again if that person is really trustworthy and will never use your vulnerability against you.

I find it weird before that in Dante's inferno betrayal is located at the 9th circle of hell and then reality strikes and gave me a goddamn realization. Betrayal is really the worst kind of sin. It will consume you and it will make you hate the world. It will make you the worst person. It will make you hate yourself. It will make you want to ruin someone's life. It will make you vengeful. It will make you braver but will break you over and over again. It will make you regret trusting lots of people. And it will make you believe how awful it is to trust people that easy.

I am miserable right now. I am really angry and I hate myself for being like this. I hate myself for trusting people too much, but I hate other people more because they mess up pretty well with me. They know my Achille's heel and they took advantage of it. And I hate myself for being so transparent, for giving away my weakness, and for allowing them to use me over and over again. This is all my fault, I really allow this to happened. But I won't let them do this anymore. I will be strong. I will use this pain to survive this hell. Or maybe I should bring them to hell as well? Maybe I should take my revenge? Or  maybe I should just stop trusting people. Maybe I should really choose the people that I let in my life. Maybe I should show them how to handle people who will throw shit on you. Maybe I should prove to them that being a bully will take them nowhere. Being cool doesn't necessarily mean hurting other people, it is about you standing for what you truly believe in and not using other people's vulnerability just to show the world how cool yo can be. It's bullshit to take advantage of other people. It will give you a little satisfaction but it will break you afterwards. It will hurt you more than you thought of hurting other people. Breaking other people's trust and bullying will make you the worst person.

You want vengeance then I will give you smile. I will prove to you that betrayal will always be the most painful and most sinful thing ever. Yes let me prove it to you, let me prove to you how happy I can be after this. Let me show you how I shine from this formidable challenge.

Relinquish: break free from pain

I just can't stop myself from liking you. But seriously I will do everything to do that. I hate that you're even in my dreams, I hate that you can still hurt me, and I hate to play the role of the victim.

I just want to slap you big time right now. But how will I explain myself after doing that? You are not mine. You don't even love me. You are just using me to satisfy your ego, you asshole! I am tired of crying and weeping over you. I just want a peaceful life and I want to be truly happy. Why can't you give me that satisfaction? At least give me the opportunity to gather myself again and heal every wound.

But how will I start mending my broken spirit if you are always there pulling me closer to you and dropping me like a hot potato afterwards? How will I forget you if even my favorite food reminds me of you? How will I start over again if you are the only man that I really love this much? I am tired of doing this anymore. I don't want to be part of a one-sided love anymore. I want to be the main actress in my own movie. I want to be the only girl that someone will love and not just someone who will wait to be loved by you. All I want to do is break free and runaway from you. Will I be able to do this? Of course I can!